• Two weeks ago a speaker looked down at his TV monitor most of the time, and glanced fleetingly at the audience.
• Last week a sales person looked me in the eye when he explained how the camera worked, and I believed him when he said he wouldn’t bargain.
• The other night my wife made a comment, and unfortunately I gave one of my (rare) eye rolls, and she picked me off.

At Decker we teach and preach six behavioral skills – they have nothing to do with content and everything to do with establishing confidence, trust and authenticity. The most important of these is eye communication.

Clients often ask us what is the difference between eye contact and eye communication.

Eye contact is fleeting. It can be in passing, just a glance or a fraction of a second. It can be eyes flitting across an audience not really connecting. It could turn into a form of connection, but it isn’t necessarily communication.

Eye communication is connection – think of eye contact on steroids.  It’s the act of two pairs of eyes connecting and the contact leading to communication.  Eye communication involves more extended eye contact (at least 3-5 seconds for speakers communicating to a group) that forms a bond between two people.  As a speaker communicating to an audience, eye communication is the key to engaging with your audience.  It makes your presentation more like a conversation than a pitch.

Eye communication:

• establishes rapport
• strengthens listener involvement
• contributes to a higher retention level
• increases your ability to persuade

A successful communications experience requires engaged eye communication.  If the listeners’ ears are open but their eyes are closed, no connection can be made.  Eye communication is the key.

On the other hand, eye roll is discounting what the other person said. It is a put-down, and is actually much stronger a put-down than we tend to think. Often after an eye roll is picked off by the other party we hear the reply, “But I didn’t say anything.”

Look at this classic case of disdain shown by the many eye rolls (and other behaviors) from the TV show, The Apprentice:

“To make oneself understood to the people, one must first speak to their eyes.” – Napoleon Bonaparte

Don’t just make contact, communicate with your eyes. Positively.

• Competence leads to confidence.
• Don’t interrupt, but be interruptible.
• Leave every person feeling better for having talked to you — they’ll be happy to see you next time.
• Say what you mean, precisely what you mean, and only what you mean.
• When you’re thinking ahead, you can’t hear what’s being said.
• Forget your ability to think faster than another person talks — everybody has it, but only the foolish use it.
• Listen at least twice as much as you talk — others will hear twice as much of what you say.
• It’s our enemies from whom we learn the most.
• Talking when nobody is listening is as futile as trying to cut paper with half a pair of scissors
• If you create tension, you get resistance. If you create trust, you get response.
• Objections are what symptoms are to the medical doctor. They point to a problem that must be dealt with.
• Personal communication is hindered by hasty assumptions.
• Self-centered people tend to monopolize the talking. Secure people tend to monopolize the listening.
• You’re wasting your time when you try to answer questions people are not asking.
• A "monologue in duet" happens when I think up what I’m going to say while you’re saying what you thought up while I was talking.
• With life-long education, learning becomes a renewable resource.
• Make it a habit to say nice things about yourself, to yourself. You’ll find that you like yourself better.
• The key to your success is to be sensitive enough to understand what other people want, and generous enough to help them get it.
• Pay attention to others and they will pay attention to you.
• Be interesting by being interested.
• The genius who can’t communicate is intellectually impotent.
• The leader who can’t communicate can’t create the conditions that motivate.
• The organization that can’t communicate can’t change, and the corporation that can’t change is dead.