Decrease Your Disparity Gap

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Posted by Kelly Decker | May 15, 2013 | 0 Comments | Tweet this

Snow White

Who do you see when you look in the mirror? Is it the same person your boss, your family, your audience and everyone else sees?

All of us, men and women, alike, can be our own harshest critics. That’s why Dove’s Real Beauty Sketches campaign immediately went viral (as did its parodies).

For those of you who haven’t seen it, yet, the campaign features a forensic sketch artist from the FBI. He asked women to describe the way their faces looked, and he drew a sketch based on each of their descriptions. Then he repeated the process with someone else, a complete stranger, who had just met the same women. The result:

Two pretty different pictures.

The same thing happens when we are speaking. We think we are doing one thing with our actions (based on how it feels when we do them), but the people watching us often experience something different.

The best way way to decrease this disparity gap is by watching yourself on video.

The audience can’t see your heart pounding out of your chest or your mind spinning out of control. They don’t know what section of your notes never made it into your presentation. They only learn what you give them. With the help of our coaches and your video, you learn how to turn your ineffective habits into better ones.

Here’s your assignment:

Using your computer (or phone or camera), record yourself practicing a presentation, or rehearsing the opening you intend to give at your next meeting.

Then, watch it. See yourself as your audience will see you.

If you really want to improve, do it again.

And when you repeat the process, try to over do something. Fake it till you become it. Get out of your comfort zone. Consider:

Own your space, and own your next opportunity. Got it? Now get it on video!

 

Perception Trumps Intention

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Posted by Ben Decker | April 24, 2013 | 0 Comments | Tweet this

If you were a billionaire, you’d be an easy target, too.

Over the years we’ve admired the communications techniques of Bill Gates (like this incredible visual aid at TED), and we’ve also picked on his behaviors (see: slouching billionaire).

Yesterday, Bill Gates went under the microscope again – not for his generous philanthropy, or for being the founder and current chairman of the board at Microsoft. The international community erupted after his “rude” handshake when meeting South Korea President Park Geun-hye.

Bill Gates President Park Geun-hye Handshake

In Korean culture, as well as elsewhere in Asia, a one-hand shake is notably casual. Rather than respectful, it is reserved for times when the other person is a good friend, of the same or younger age. Using one hand with the other tucked in the pants pocket is considered rude, and it is done when one is expressing superiority to the other.

Immediately upon seeing the handshake, the international community began debating and speculating whether ignorance or intention was the reason for the one-hand shake. While it made for great media fodder – as well as a PR issue for Gates’ team – I bring it up because it illustrates a critical lesson for us as communicators.

It’s always about our listeners and what they perceive. In fact, our intention doesn’t matter at all. The only thing that matters is the perception of our listeners. We must be aware of what we are doing behaviorally, as well as what the consequences are.

Plain and simple: Consistent message is always our goal. If you plan to build business ties and convey respect, that means a two-handed handshake in South Korea. We can all learn from experiences like this.

After all, how many times have you extended your hand for a handshake?

Should I Be Likable or Influential?

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Posted by Ben Decker | April 4, 2013 | 0 Comments | Tweet this

Be Likable and InfluentialActually, you can be both – and you should try to be both.

When you’re likable, you’re almost automatically more influential. As Bert wrote in You’ve Got to Be Believed to Be Heard, “The likability factor dominates in politics. It dominates in business. And it dominates in our day to day lives. Likability is the key to trust and believability.”

It’s true. We trust and believe people we like. We are skeptical towards those we don’t.

While it’s possible to be influential without being likable – certain reality TV personalities jump to mind – your best bet is to be likable.

With that in mind, Inc. Magazine identified six traits of remarkably likable people. When you meet them, they:

  • Lose the power pose and become approachable. Use Decker’s Ready Position – a friendly, forward lean
  • Embrace the power of touch
  • Ask about you (Jeff Haden calls this, “social ju-jitsu”)
  • Are genuine
  • Ask for nothing
  • Say goodbye gracefully

Listen, it’s not terrible to always be closing. That said, meeting new people can’t always be about leads and numbers. Sometimes it’s helpful to forgo the sales opportunity in the moment. Instead, recognize the chance to let the other person know that you have listened to her. Trust that your kindness and empathy will lead to good things down the road.

When you’re communicating to a group – in a presentation, keynote speech or meeting – the same precepts apply: Focus on your audience. Make it about them. Don’t obsess over your power. Be likable!

Here are some specific pointers:

  1. Stand by the front door, and welcome people as they enter the room. Embrace the small talk.
  2. Be polite and respectful during the Q&A, even if the question asker is not. Here’s how to handle Q+A like a pro (and here’s what not to do during Q+A).
  3. Cater to your audience. Ask questions as you present – “Do you know this information already?” – and cater your problem-solving specific to them.
  4. Incorporate audience members into your talk. Tell a story involving one of them. Praise something they’ve accomplished.
  5. Don’t be afraid to share stories of fear and failure. Some of the most influential stories are ones where the narrator admits to defeat and doubt.
  6. Be thankful on your way out the door.
  7. Last –certainly not least – smile!

You have ideas, too. What else makes a person likable?

 

Fake It Till You Become It

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Posted by Ben Decker | March 14, 2013 | 0 Comments | Tweet this

Several of our program leaders use the phrase, “Fake it till you make it” when they are coaching. I prefer to raise the bar on that challenge.

Do as social psychologist and HBS Professor Amy Cuddy says: Fake it till you become it.

Amy’s TED talk is filled with reasons why we need to be aware of our body language and what we’re communicating non-verbally. Our body language influences the way people feel about us – and according to her research, it can also change the way we think and feel about ourselves.

If we use what she calls power poses (think “Y” in “YMCA,” along with these other examples), we can actually convince our bodies – physiologically – that we have confidence and power. Just by switching their non-verbal behaviors, subjects in her study showed a 10% increase in testosterone (the hormone which makes you feel assertive) and a 25% decrease in cortisol (the hormone which causes stress). In short, we turn into more confident people just by changing our stance.

We’re thrilled to connect this research to our teaching.

One of the concepts we teach is, “Go big, and go home.” This requires you to use big sweeping gestures and rest your hands at your sides. It’s not something you learned in your college public speaking course, but it’s extremely effective. When you use big gestures, your vocal cords automatically open up, and you sound more excited. And when you rest your hands, your words will have greater impact, too.

Yet…it’s uncomfortable at first. It feels like we’re doing something wrong, something fake. Actually, this should feel uncomfortable – the same way it once felt uncomfortable to ride a bike or drive a car. It takes 21 days to change a habit. So if you keep faking it, you’ll eventually be as natural, sincere and confident as you appear to be.

Take Sheryl Sandberg, one of our Top Ten Communicators of last year. In her new book, Lean In, she cites personal experiences (from aerobics class to marital tiffs to business moves) and the research by Dana Carney, Amy Cuddy and Andy Yap. She advocates using the “fake it” strategy to boost confidence. She claims that confidence is a self-fulfilling prophecy, and I agree.

So don’t just fake it until you make it.

Fake it until you become it.

 

Power to the Pause

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Posted by Keith Bailey | February 12, 2013 | 4 Comments | Tweet this

Power to the Pause for Executive Presence

Imagine opening a book with no commas, no periods, no paragraph breaks.

Or better yet, read this:

Say youre speaking to a room full of tech savvy folks you could say our network is secure everyone in the audience regardless of how cursed by tech they are would have some understanding of what you mean however saying that also leaves up to the audience to interpret exactly what secure means lets try something more concrete imagine youre in a meeting discussing internal candidates for a project manager job all of you are cursed with the knowledge of what it takes to succeed so its tempting to just say shes organized and leave it at that instead think through the daily email load for a project manager and how important organization is

It’s hard to follow. There is too much information, and my eyes begin to glaze, just a bit. Do some of your presentations sound like this?

Pausing is a vital skill for audience engagement.

In fact, punctuation is to readers as pausing is to your listeners.

Whether you are in front of a crowd, sitting around a conference room table, or having a one-on-one phone call, visualize that what you are saying is the story you are telling. It needs punctuation, and it’s as easy as one, two, three.

When there should be a comma, pause for one second. When you see a period, pause for two seconds. When you see a new paragraph, pause for three seconds.

Try reading the same paragraph aloud, with punctuation:

Say you’re speaking to a room full of tech savvy folks. You could say, “Our network is secure.” Everyone in the audience – regardless of how cursed by tech they are – would have some understanding of what you mean.

However, saying that also leaves up to the audience to interpret exactly what “secure” means. Let’s try something more concrete.

Imagine you’re in a meeting discussing internal candidates for a project manager job. All of you are “cursed” with the knowledge of what it takes to succeed, so it’s tempting to just say “she’s organized,” and leave it at that. Instead, think through the daily email load for a project manager and how important organization is.

Much better, right?

Notice the speakers who really draw the audience in. The ones who captivate the room. They all use an effective pause. When you pause, you will be less stressed and more influential.

Your audience loves pauses. No, really. They love pauses.

It allows time for them to absorb what you are saying. It gives them a chance to integrate the new information. Pausing is also effective because it helps to dramatize and add flavor to your story. It allows you to make a point, as if something were underlined or bolded.

Remember, your audience hasn’t heard your message before. [Pause] Give them a chance to hear it.

How can you integrate the pause without counting every comma and period?

  1. Start by enunciating each word more carefully. Think of this as pumping the brakes instead of coming to a complete stop.
  2. Breathe at the end of each paragraph. A deep breath. It doesn’t have to be audible, but take a full breath.
  3. Remember the disparity – each pause is not as long as you think. But it will make a difference.

Pausing is a vital skill for audience engagement.

 

Focusing on Continuous Improvement

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Posted by Ben Decker | January 31, 2013 | 1 Comment | Tweet this

Continuous ImprovementWhen you love what you do, it isn’t considered a job – right? I continue to be amazed by the people I get to work with and the changes we see every day. It was truly an honor to be elected by our Chairman and Board of Directors to be the CEO of Decker.

Getting to run Decker with my wife Kelly is fun, and we don’t usually think of our titles or take them that seriously. I suppose that’s one reason why Bert Decker is an important mentor and Chairman – he emphasizes the value of roles and titles as our organization continues to grow. This new title has made me look at how I challenge myself to improve and help lead this company to more lofty goals.

I recently got to work with an advisor to many great CEOs, Kirk Dando, who runs Dando Advisors. I told him that so much of what we do with our C-level clients is similar. He pushes them to find their weaknesses and be proactive vs. reactive – with a focus on strategy and process. My colleagues and I do the same thing – keeping our focus on communication. In both cases, that extra push makes a big difference.

This week, we issued a press release that shared our 2012 results – results we achieved by pushing our partners to new heights. We kicked off 2013 at Decker by pushing our team to new heights, too. I loved that we got out of our comfort zones with The Second City, working through improv and thinking on our feet. It was also encouraging that Bert saw the value of our collaborative leadership style.

This Sunday, many of us will watch a strong leader think on his feet, literally. I’m referring to Jim Harbaugh, head coach of the Super Bowl-bound San Francisco 49ers. According to journalist Dan Nakaso, Harbaugh uses his intensity to fire up those around him and isn’t afraid to make tough decisions. His passion bleeds through, letting his team know that he cares.

I regularly coach CEOs and leaders to do exactly what Harbaugh does: Show people that you care. As leaders, of course we care, but it doesn’t always come across that way. That’s why when we communicate, we always have to begin by considering our listeners’ point of view.

Communication, like most phases of our lives, is a process of continuous improvement. So, too, is leadership. Today when I change my title on my LinkedIn profile, something that I once considered a formality, it will now serve as a reminder to keep looking forward and always continue to improve.

(Oh yeah, and Go Niners!)

Get out of your comfort zone!

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Posted by Jenny McMahon | June 8, 2012 | 2 Comments | Tweet this

What makes being a road warrior so rewarding? Being unexpectedly inspired.

Week after week as a Program Leader for Decker, I’m traveling to train clients of vastly different industries. It’s fascinating to train such a variety, from engineers and marketing gurus to sales sharks and executives because oftentimes, core communication issues are the same across the board. These people are just like you and me – they want to improve their skills to have more impact and influence in their workplace and lives.

Earlier this week, I led a two-day intensive training program in Chicago for a large insurance firm. But what made that program different was a participant who faced a unique challenge – she spoke with a stammer.

No one was aware of this woman’s impediment until she first got up in front of the room to speak. She knew from experience that she would be hard to understand as she gave her presentations, at times almost impossible, but she had the guts to get up five times and deliver to the group. She sat with our private coach to watch her video playback, just like everyone else. She gave and received feedback openly. What vulnerability. Here was a woman whom the world might disregard as a communicator, and yet there she was, delivering with influence.

I tell this humbling story because it inspired me to continue to step out of my own comfort zone and be vulnerable in order to continuously improve my craft. Here’s what I’m doing to constantly develop, and you can, too.

Ask for detailed, balanced feedback

  • Find an accountability partner you trust to watch out for you. For example, if you’re working on eliminating non-words (um, uh, so, you know), have that person listen carefully for non-words on your next call, and give you feedback afterwards.
  • Use the 3×3 feedback method. 3×3 feedback gives you both details on what you should keep doing, and what you need to improve. Oftentimes feedback from other people can be a shine job, so this helps ensure you get both sides of the story.

Take a good, hard look at that old slide deck

  • If you’re using the same deck with a variety of audiences, you’re in trouble. Your message will (or at least, should!) change with different audiences, so prepare your message first, and then pull slides in to a deck that will support you.
  • Try something new with your deck. Use black slides and incorporate SHARPs for memorability.

Seek opportunities to speak and practice

  • Is your organization leading an upcoming conference where you can lead a session? Any wedding toasts coming up? Say yes when an opportunity comes your way.
  • Are you giving a group presentation? Then practice with video before you deliver the real deal. You’ll be able to quickly see areas to improve.

Have you stepped out of your comfort zone lately? I shared a story, now you share!